Navigating Stress and Uncertainty in BIG Life Transitions
If you’ve missed my posts, thanks for your patience. It’s been a while since my pen has met the page. So, I wanted to pick things up by talking about stress and uncertainty amid life transitions–because I’ve been facing these head-on lately.
Whether you’ve been through a big move, a career pivot, or a family change, you likely know how stressful it can be when life stacks transitions back-to-back.
In this post:
Acknowledge stress and practice self-compassion.
Trust the process with grounded optimism.
Control what you can, release the rest.
Keep routines and remember your “why.”
Choose gratitude over negativity.
(5-minute read!)
First, some background:
I graduated with my Master's in Counselling Psychology in December.
My son, Charlie, was born in March, but his arrival didn’t quite go as planned. Although it was a bumpy start, thankfully, both mom and baby were healthy, and that’s what matters.
I started my private counselling practice, Gratus Health, in April, while adjusting to our new family life and preparing for a big move.
We sold our house in the Okanagan in May, which uprooted our already dynamic lives.
We bought a house on Vancouver Island in June, while I was planning, hosting, and speaking at events.
Then, we packed everything into two shipping containers and moved at the start of July, taking on a few weeks of necessary plumbing work in the new house before “settling in.”
The pressures of being a new dad, moving, navigating professional challenges and opportunities, and feeling the need to provide for my family like never before have weighed on me, and this high-level overview just scratches the surface.
It’s been a lot, hence the break from writing. But now that I’m starting to feel more grounded, I want to share what’s been helping me navigate stress and uncertainty amid these changes.
1. Quantify your pain.
A close friend pointed out that I’ve “taken on three of the four most stressful events a person can take on in life, all in the same year: starting a family, a career change and starting a business (this is a double whammy!), and moving.”
I asked, “What is the fourth?” His answer, “Divorce!”
I realized I'd better not screw up the first three badly enough to add that to the list!
Jokes aside, this isn’t an exhaustive list of life-stressors by any means. However, the Holme-Rahe Life Stress Inventory helps rank major life events by their impact on health, and moving, career change, and starting a family all rank high on the list.
So, hearing my friend reflect this back to me was validating and helped put my pressure in perspective, giving me space for grace. Recognizing your stretched-thin bandwidth permits self-compassion. Sometimes, letting yourself off the hook releases you from the grips of stress, giving yourself space to navigate the turbulence with more ease.
2. Lean into trust.
If things aren’t working out or you’re not quite where you want to be, it just means you’re not finished yet, because things will always work out.
When the future is uncertain, you must trust that things will work out. Even when the outcome isn’t what you originally envisioned, trust that you’ll find a way forward.
This is a bit of foreshadowing, because I’ve also been writing about optimism for Gratus Health. Stay tuned on this topic, because it’s incredibly powerful when hope and trust align. That’s what I call real optimism.
3. Control the things you can, release the things you can’t.
It seems obvious, but stress often arises when we fail to control the things within our control and focus heavily on the things beyond our control.
When you face uncertainty, take steps to control the things you can and release the things you can’t. This is essentially about strengthening your internal locus of control. People with a strong internal locus are more likely to feel empowered by focusing on what they can influence. In contrast, dwelling on things out of your control tends to increase stress.
4. The story you tell yourself matters.
Where your attention goes, your energy follows. So, rather than fixating on a negative narrative, focus on positive outcomes and put your energy and effort into achieving them. If dwelling on uncertainty is causing you grief, shift the narrative toward an outcome that excites you, then work toward it. You will start to see opportunities and beneficial options that align with that narrative once you make this shift.
For instance, instead of “this plumbing setback means we bought the wrong house,” reframing it as “we’re building a solid foundation for our family” leans into authentic positivity and optimism.
5. Build routine into chaos.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s selfless. For me, that looked like carving out 20 minutes for a run or a workout, even on moving days.
You may have heard, “If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.” I believe this to be true because you can’t pour from an empty cup. We all need to make self-care non-negotiable and find time for ourselves.
If it feels selfish taking time for you when there’s so much on your plate, ask yourself, “What’s my reason?” or rather, “Who am I doing this for?”
Even amid chaos, investments in self-care pay big dividends. You don’t need to show up 100%, but even small, routine steps in favour of self-care are essential.
6. Know your why.
With Charlie’s arrival, I found myself making excuses, like I can’t work out, run, or be as productive because I need to take care of my family and all the other items on my endless to-do list. But, as easy as it is to use my son (or other obligations) as my excuse not to exercise, eat well, or sleep well, a quick reframe reminded me that he is my reason to take care of myself.
I see this with clients, too. The things we call excuses often reveal what matters most to us. It helps create clarity and make self-care non-negotiable. The people you love (or the people you lead) deserve the best version of you. So, the effort you put into showing up for yourself (and them) matters.
Stay focused on why you’re doing what you’re doing and who you’re doing it for.
7. Focus on the gifts, not the gaps:
Gratitude wins, always. It doesn’t erase stress, but it changes your physiology and perspective so you can handle it better. It isn’t just a mindset; it lowers stress hormones like cortisol to help regulate the nervous system.
We all have a tendency to dwell on negativity, challenges, and stressors in life. However, when you focus on the gifts, not the gaps in your situation, it permits a vital perspective shift that moves you toward controlling uncertainty and managing stress.
For me, gratitude looks like reminding myself of my wife’s resilience throughout pregnancy and parenthood. Her strength gives me strength, and together we can handle the challenges that come our way.
Final thoughts…
This isn’t an exhaustive list of strategies, but they’re the top things that come to mind when I reflect on how I’ve managed this stressful period of life. I hope that by sharing my experience, it helps you to help yourself manage stress, uncertainty, and anxiety amid big transitions.
And remember, a little bit of stress (or a lot) isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In the words of my good friend, ex-NHL player, burn survivor, and cognitive performance coach, Aaron Volpatti, “If your life story were a movie, it wouldn’t be very good without a bit of drama.”
There are always healthy reframes for the challenges you face. Meaning isn’t always obvious in the moment, but if you look for it, you’ll find the resilience, optimism, strength, and gratitude to carry you through even the toughest times.
Onward, with gratitude,
Mike Shaw
If this post resonates, please share it, and don’t hesitate to reach out and book a call with me.
And please grab a copy of Never Part of The Plan if you haven’t already!
For clinical counselling inquiries, please visit GratusHealth.com.
